It was a very awkward moment for everyone, frankly. Alonso and Sixtus were given the job and neither was particularly keen. ‘Ok,’ said Sixtus to Alonso while adjusting his hat, ‘let’s just get this bloody over with.’ From the other side of the door they heard the secretary’s voice, mumbled and a little grossed. ‘Thank you, Mr McCarthy’s Reanimated Corpse, you can go in now.’ The door creaked open and in shuffled McCarthy’s Reanimated Corpse, the broken ankle bone of his left foot jutting out awkwardly from a tattered brogue and scrapping against the floor like fingernails on a chalk-board. ‘Alonso, you sonuva bitch! How’ya doin’ eh?’ Old glooping McCarthy’s Reanimated Corpse looked dreadful and had done since the resurrection. His three-piece pinned in scrabbling rips and xenophobe liver and lungs. The black-list donned his pocked as a bigoted kerchief, ready to wipe up the supposed messes of the Earth and blow the nose of God. ‘Ugh…’ Sixtus mumbled under his breath. ‘Sixtus! You put on weight, my man! Hope you ain’t gettin’ sloppy, heh-heh!’ He winked at Sixtus, but his eyelid yielded to gravity and slipped to his tie.
‘Yes hello McCarthy’s Reanimated Corpse,’ said Alonso, keen to finish fast, ‘how are you?’ ‘Hell I’m better than I ever been!’ replied McCarthy’s Reanimated Corpse, laughing loads, ‘I love being with this agency! So much freedom! So many facilities! Not like the 50’s. Couldn’t bash a queer without some hippy breathing down your neck. Fuckin’ reds had the government on drugs by the end, Christ. But not now, eh! You boys sure do know how to handle and investigation! Can’t imagine I’ll ever leave!’
‘Yes well, that’s actually why we called you in,’ ‘Oh yeah?’ ‘Yes well, look McCarthy’s Reanimated Corpse, we just think that…that maybe the Spanish Inquisition isn’t quite for you anymore.’ ‘Don’t quite catch your drift there, Sixy.’ His eyes bulged and pussed with worry and confusion. ‘It’s time for you to move on.’ There was a super awkward silence. McCarthy’s Reanimated Corpse subtly cried out a bit of his brain; it fizzed. ‘I…I don’t understand. I’ve been ‘ere for years. I’ve tortured witches! I’ve burned gays and such! I’ve spent entire days feedin’ Complete Arthur Miller hardbacks into a woodchipper!’ ‘Look!’ Alonso stepped in, ‘we thought this would work! Honestly, McCarthy’s Reanimated Corpse, procuring your dead rotted carcass and pumping it full with the power of a thousand suns to gift you this new racist lifeblood really did seem like a good idea at the time. But it’s over now. You’re just so…rude. You’re brash, McCarthy’s Reanimated Corpse, you shock us. And to be fair we here at the Spanish Inquisition really do take some shocking.’
To this day McCarthy’s Reanimated Corpse can be seen trudging round the same local bars, blithering away to people and shouting ‘Are you or have you ever been a member of the Spanish Inquisition? Well I have, motherfuckers!’ Poor old McCarthy’s Reanimated Corpse, he really hadn’t expected it.
southamptonpoetry 